is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
