Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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