I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
