hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
