It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
