i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
