so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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