do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
