Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
