Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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