Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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