rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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