You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
