Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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