3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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