you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
