just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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