3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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