dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
