So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
