I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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