my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
