a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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