We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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