I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
