porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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