Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
