Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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