There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
