Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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