:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
