I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
