Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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