4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
