No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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