hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
