Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
