fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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