I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
