OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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