she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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