Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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