I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
