Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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