my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
