dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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