When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
