Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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