Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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