I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
